My last post was about being willing to go to any length for myself, my growth, my recovery, my health. I should have known that throwing that out into the universe would bring forth The Test but I always forget that that is how it works. So now I’m in it. The test of my word. Did I mean what I promised to myself? Can I stay strong when it all falls apart? Will I abandon myself and all that I’ve learned and experienced?
The answer is I don’t know. But I’m sure as hell going to fight and try. Here is a letter to myself that you may need to hear also:
Dear Carie,
We are doing some hard things. We are facing some dark challenges and a lot of change. I know that it seems scary and I know that you are absolutely terrified at times. But I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m here to comfort you, protect you and love you.
We can do hard things together. We have done them before and we will do them again. We will be hand in hand, together, forever facing whatever we need to face to heal and grow.
We have done everything we can for others and now is the time to do for us. We will create safety, we will create healthy connection, we will do whatever it takes to take good loving care of Carie.
Love,
Yourself
For anyone reading this and wondering, what is going on in her life? What is she facing? What is happening? It’s okay to wonder but the truth is it doesn’t matter. The challenges we face internally may not be relevant to your outside life. Most people are fighting battles in their life that you will never know about. They are private. They are sacred. They are vulnerable spaces of internal healing. What matters is not the details but the fact that we share how we cope. That we share our hurt, pain, and healing. Some things are too close to be public, because not everyone in the public is safe with our hurt and pain.
Stay safe out there people. Find someone to hold you when it all falls apart, even if it is just a stronger version of you.
Be well
Carie