"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I wrote a while ago about a trip I took to Malibu and how it was a spiritual awakening for me. I would love to update the story and say that everything since then has been just as magical and that I am on the path being skyrocketed into a new life. It is not so. I am on a path, but it is covered with long overgrown weeds, rough terrain, and sometimes reluctant travel partners. It rains and snows on this path and sometimes I'm not really traveling at all.
This weekend there was a crazy ice/snow storm that hit my town. Travel was not advised. I took this mostly to heart and haven't been out much over the last few days. I've spent my time watching television with my family, sharing meals, relaxing, journaling, and reading. I continued deeper into a book I started reading by Dr. Tererai Trent called "The Awakened Woman". Dr. Trent writes about sacred dreams, sacred writing, and sacred community among women. She encourages you to do an exercise at the end of each chapter with a ritual. I wrote my sacred dream last night. I will do the ritual later and I also have a feeling it won't be the last or only time I write a sacred dream. Part of the book that hits me the most is how she talks about sharing our story. It is how we grow and how we help others to think about their sacred dreams.
I found myself sitting in my chair, writing in my journal and reading my books this morning and I felt the pull between my sacred dream and my fear. I decided to write myself a letter. I'm sharing it here so that you can use it if you need it. Take what you like and leave the rest.
April 16, 2018
Girl,
What are you waiting for? Life is not guaranteed and time is always passing! Get in there-make the life you want. Create it! Demand it! Know that it is achievable. No more sadness, you have spent too many years in sadness. No more depression and feeling stuck, down, and defeated. You have experienced a different way and you can have it again.
Know your power. Feel that deep divine feminine energy within you and demand that it be recognized. Demand that it be seen, heard, and honored.
No, you don't know everything, but you for damn sure know a lot. You have experienced so much and you have so much to give to the world. Believe in yourself. Look at what you have already done in your forty short years on this Earth.
Malibu was your life. It happened. You felt it. You lived it. You experienced it and you helped create it. Do it here. Do it now in your life. No one is going to do it for you. If your fellow travelers do not want to travel with you than you must be willing to go it alone. There is not a way for you to live in the old space, you have already left it. Don't leave anyone behind in anger or resentment, just know that not traveling this road is not an option for you. Go forward knowing you are moving toward the life you are meant to live. The one that felt so good to be in.
Go girl! Stop thinking and start doing. Yes there are hurts and feelings and ties to the old road that pull you constantly. Yes you are scared. Yes this road is new and unfamiliar and you aren't sure you know where you are going or where it will take you. DO IT ANYWAY!
Sleep. Rest. Eat well. Take good care of your body. Move and build strength. Pray. Ask for help and support. Do not leave your backpack of tools, you will need them on this journey, take them with you. Be willing to fight for the life you need. The life you know you can have because you felt it, you experienced it. Be willing to do whatever it takes because there is no other choice.
You weren't meant to stay in place. You were meant to change and travel new places. You lived the lives you had up to this point well. You did the best you could and look at the places you went that you never even dreamed of. You let them all go when it was time and it is time again. Where to? Who knows?
Take a deep breath. Line up your village. Hold on to the strong hands of those who have traveled this road and who know the way. I know you are scared but you have to trust. The train has left the station and you are tired from running alongside it trying to decide if you should get on or not, if it was even the right train. Honey, it is your train, it has left the station, get on. You cannot push it back to the station and ask it to wait till you are ready. Get on the train. Enjoy the trip. Let yourself dream about the destination. Invite others on the journey.
You have what it takes. You are a big, powerful, beautiful, strong woman. Go make your life what you want it to be!